Independence: The Best Way

I was irked by the fact that a young woman whom I know personally was bragging about being “Independent!” Give me a break! There’s a difference between working for everything you own and living off your spouse’s hard work. That is not independence; that is being fortunate. Ladies, it’s great that you can brag about what you have, and flaunt what you wear, drive and where you live. But spare us the melodrama. If you know you didn’t go out there and formed sweat on your brows performing tasks at which you earn an honest salary to acquire the possessions you claim to own, then you’re not independent.

Now, I’m not bashing the women who feel they deserve the royal treatment they receive from their men, I’m just asking them to reconsider the bile that comes from their lips as they utter the word “Independence.” To be independent according to the Oxford Dictionary means “Not depending on another for livelihood or sustenance.” So as long as you are not the source of your own income and resources, I hate to break it to you, but you’re in fact dependent.

I know quite a number of women who engage in this kind of lifestyle, where their only job is to keep fit and sexy and stay beautiful, but I have one story to share with you. Sadly, there are other women in this particular position who have a similar story to share.

Dania came by to visit me. I haven’t seen Dania since she moved out to live with her wealthy boyfriend who happened to be the owner of an exquisite restaurant uptown. She sat down very ladylike with her Gucci purse nestled under her arm; her shiny Samsung Galaxy S4 glistened from her waistband. Her Fendi glasses completely covered half of her slender face, hence the shock I had when she removed the exquisite frames from her eyes. Black, blue and purple decorated the corner of her left eye. She asked me quietly not to ask anything, and asked me to just listen.

Please note the names have been changed to protect the privacy of my friend. I was granted permission to retell her story.

*The story is retold in Jamaican English. This is her story:

“You know I always admire you. You always work for what you want, and I used to laugh at you and tell you to find a rich man before you break your back. I was so happy when I met Daryll, and thought you were jealous of me. Him give me everything I want when I was living with mama, and when he asked me to move in with him, mama was happy for me. I was happy too, because I now had everything I could possibly ask for. I remember when you ask if I wasn’t gonna finish school and I laughed at you and asked why you ask such a stupid question.

At first, everything was good. I had a helper, so I didn’t have to do nothing. Daryll just wanted me to stay sexy and keep looking good. One night, about 2 months after I move in with him, he asked me to attend a function; so he took me shopping, we selected a dress, and accessories to go with it. That same night when I got dressed, he said the dress look too sexy and ask why my breasts looked so big in the dress. He said I was trying to look sexy for his friends and slapped me in my face. He told me to go change it and fix my face.

Jodi, almost everyday after that him beat me. I ask him if I can go look for work because I'm bored of staying home everyday, he said his woman will not work, I’m just supposed to look “clean” all the time. When I got pregnant, I didn’t tell him yet, because I wasn’t sure if he’d be happy. He noticed the little weight I put on and him beat me. Mi lose the baby and him not even care. I just come to ask you what I must do, cause I can’t take the beating no more…”

Before she went back into her Audi SUV, I advised her to walk away from the luxury she had, and try to go back to school. I knew it was hard for her to hear that, but the truth is the truth. Dania never came back to visit, but we keep in touch via Facebook. She is still with Daryll, but she assures me she is doing a course in the evenings to complete her degree in accounting, her passion. While it’s not the way I wish for her to go, it is a step in the right direction. Wealth and fame are not worth your dignity. Ladies, you are worth more than a fancy car and an empty mansion. Learn the meaning of independence and make it motivate you to hunger for acquiring your own things! And the best part is, you won't have to answer to anybody. Make a name for yourself! The struggle may be long and hard, but when you look back at your handiwork, you'll know it was well worth it. I am your JGIC! <3

 

“How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.” ~ Anaïs Nin

 

Jodi-Ann is an Environmental Studies major in Nova Scotia, Canada.

***Disclaimer: Pictures acquired from Google

Change is Good

Warm weather. White sand beaches. Blinding sunshine. The warmth of lifelong friends and a loving family. Who would want to leave such a perfect existence? Who would abandon such moments of happiness in pursuit of the unknown? I did. And while I’m not the happiest or the most cheerful person every single day, I’m grateful I decided to change from being ordinary to becoming extraordinarily fantabulous!!!

I knew leaving home meant becoming home-sick, sad, down and any other negative adjective that one can muster. Not only that, in time, I became acquainted with the ground quite often from the many “slips” and “falls” I’ve had during the winter – something to which I am not accustomed.

Winter. As a child, I only witnessed winter through the screen of the black and white Zenith TV we had at home (we later got a coloured TV, but winter was still just plain white), and I was only able to dream of making snow angels and snow men with my brother. Snowball fights were a must, as the dream of winter would not be complete without that. Then, just like that, I’m here… in the cold… wishing to go back to the warmth. I was never able to stand in the snow long enough to make a snowball, nor have I had the courage to lie in the snow to make snow angels. I guess winter isn’t as cute as it appeared in the Christmas movies I used to watch. Initially, I complained and remained indoors and bickered about the bitter cold and I complained even more when I noticed the storms decided to come on weekends. By Sunday afternoon, the snow cleared and its time for school again on Monday. I cursed my lucky charms as they never seemed to work.

On snow days, it was business as usual. Nothing stopped.

Eventually, I grew accustomed to the climate, and its unpredictability. I was always prepared to step out – rain or shine… snow or sleet – to work on achieving my goals. Winter comes in extended versions where I reside in Canada and I must admit that it grows on you. They say “If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em!” So instead of cursing and scowling at the inconvenience caused by the weather, I just invested in a great pair o’ boots, bundled up and stepped out. I stepped out to build on an already awesome strength of character. I stepped out to invest in my personal development. I stepped out to meet my dreams face to face  and am now in the process of making all of them, yes!... ALL OF THEM… a reality.

“Change may not always be welcomed, but it always provides a refreshing difference in how you choose to live.” ~JGIC

 

Jodi-Ann is an Environment Studies major in Nova Scotia, Canada.

Disclaimer: Beach picture acquired from Google.

Turn Disappointment Into Motivation

Now, you see me livin’ crosses? Sorry for starting off with my Jamaican lingua. My dear friends, I went to the store a few weeks ago… longing for a taste of home. So I decided to spend the extra cash to get me some Jamaican spices and seasonings. As I strolled through the isles of the store looking for specific items, a bright light beckoned me to a section of the store I never really paid attention to before. I floated to the section… mesmerized by the lure of the invitation offered to me by the item on the shelf. There it was… a box of refreshing coconut water.

My thoughts wandered home… Jamaica… I placed the sacred box of coconut water in the trolley and merrily continued my shopping. I picked up some Jamaican Jerk Seasoning, Jamaican Chicken Seasoning and a bottle of Jamaican Kola Champaign. I went all out! I decided that night that I was going to prepare some baked chicken… no, not barbecue chicken… juicy, tender, delicious oven baked chicken prepared with the jerk seasoning. But before I left the store, something happened. I was walking through the snack isle when it came into full view… an air-filled chip bag of delicious Jamaican Jerk flavoured chips!! A choir heralded the discovery and I held the prized package with care and slowly, lovingly placed it into the cart… My day couldn’t have gone better.

I checked out my over-priced items, went home and opened my “coconut water” (note the presence of quotations now). My friends, the coconut water tasted like dish water… after you do the dishes. I emptied the remains in the sink and proceeded to finish unpacking the groceries. I then came across my chips and thought to myself: there is hope, after all! I ripped the package open and with great anticipation, I looked into the bag. Friends, I put the first and only chip in my mouth and it was a disaster. My whole world crumbled. The chip tasted like fried potatoes with hot sauce; the coconut water was a disappointment and suddenly, I didn’t trust the other food items in my grocery bag. The only way to get a taste of home was to take myself and actually go home.

I do long for home and sometimes wish I could turn back and halt my studies and go back to the sunshine and beaches. However, at the end of the day, I want to advance myself and sacrifices need to be made. If it means I can’t get the luxuries I’m used to, that’s fine by me. The disappointment was real and lasted for a while, but I eventually got over it and reduced my expectations and am adapting.

My advice: Always have a goal in mind, so when obstacles come your way, when disappointments hit, when you get home-sick, at least you know where you’re headed. You may think it doesn't mean much to miss a home-cooked meal, but when you are by yourself in a strange place, it is easy to become demotivated and lose sight of your goals because of the simplest disappointments.

"Do not be put down by disappointments; instead, use them as building blocks to keep climbing higher." ~ JGIC

 

Jodi-Ann is an Environmental Studies major in Nova Scotia, Canada.

The Ideal Weigh (Just Be Yourself)

 Fat. Slim. Square. Lean. Rotund. Curvy. Or you lie In between. You just can never seem to please people. Being a thick chick, a curvy diva, a plus-sized woman has led to ridicule, criticism and unnecessary name calling even in my adult years. More recently, I’ve had a friend who means me so well trying to encourage me to lose weight. 
But why so much ridicule from everyone else?

The media has gone overboard to ensure that people know that thin is in and fat is well… not. I recall reading articles of women who strived to be in the 200 pound range less than a century ago to be just like Lillian Russell, and of those who wished to “fill out” their bikinis less than half a century ago. See them here. I accept that maintaining a healthy lifestyle is important, but does being overweight necessarily mean that you’re unhealthy?

So, my question is: what happened? Does the media care about our health so much, that they have launched an all out campaign against weight - directly and indirectly? Does Abercrombie & Fitch try so hard to encourage overweight persons to lose weight that they actually do not make women’s clothing a single size over LARGE? Was Rex Reed concerned about Melissa McCarthy’s health when he called her “Tractor Sized?” Or, does this have to do with image? Yes… image!! The focus is not on our health, it’s about how we look, and being thinner will supposedly make us more confident and “appreciate ourselves more.” Lately, the media has started countering its conniving ways by endorsing “curvy” competitions and the like, and it’s a start to have our impressionable young ladies beginning on the road to self-acceptance. I believe, however, that more needs to be done.

I believe if this weight campaign was in our best interest, the strategy that the First Lady of the United States utilizes would be implemented. I have nothing against people who are concerned for my health, but when the health talk shifts to how I can “improve my looks” by losing weight, you’re simply saying that I’m ugly because I am fat. I do not need anyone’s pity regarding my weight, I am confident enough to wear whatever I want, whenever I want. It’s all about my comfort. I don’t go around forcing my ideas of the ideal look on a slim person. As such, I don’t see why I’m being coerced into fulfilling your perfect ideals. Accept me for me, and I will be less defensive, less defiant and our friendship will be perfect. I accept you with your fuzzy hair, your dreamy eyes, your pouty lips and all the things that make us different.

Besides, you miss out on a great opportunity to meet a fabulous individual simply because you judge a person by their weight.

Answer this for me folks: How can you get to know me when I don’t fit your idea of the perfect image?

I must admit that the media places pressure on all types of people: the anorexic, the bulimic, the obese, the “ugly;” and I believe that this pressure has led many impressionable people to change themselves. Some starve themselves thin (yes, some go on reasonable diets too), some go through impossible cosmetic surgery to fit the “ideal, acceptable image,” and some just spiral into depression, aggression and reject everything that life has to offer.

My advice: BE YOURSELF!! Curvy. Thin. Or in between. There will never be another person like you. Love yourself… curves and all. You and only you can determine the ideal weigh… Your way!!

“I'm not ashamed of what I am and that I have curves and that I'm thick. I [love] my body.” ~Alicia Keys

 

Jodi-Ann is an Environmental Studies major in Nova Scotia, Canada


 Sources:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lillian_Russell
http://blog.sfgate.com/sfmoms/2012/07/16/dont-let-them-call-you-skinny-vintage-ads-push-women-to-gain-weight/#6345-4
https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcS3SBENBdIF-8wtmYBServIqDaBibcQqqGi246hAIwRoD7UMzc1
 https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10151089532162428&set=a.85411092427.84765.80592962427&type=1&theater
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10151398548822428&set=a.85411092427.84765.80592962427&type=1&theater